Easter and religion and stuff
Happy Easter Everyone!
Having been non-religious for most of the years of my life, to me, Easter means chocolate, a holiday, the beginning of spring, lambs and chicks and flowers. But this year, things are a bit different. Throughout the last year, my views on religion have changed somewhat. I have gone from being a completely convinced atheist, to my current state of total confusion.
In a bid to straighten out my thoughts, and to learn more about the religion, I went to a Catholic Easter vigil service yesterday evening (Saturday). Apart from being my first ever Catholic service (i.e. the whole thing felt very wierd), it has left me with some difficult feelings.
The sense of community and togetherness in the church was overwhelming, and as an outsider, it was hard to cope with. It was also completely clear the amount of safety, and comfort the people were drawing from the service and from their beliefs. It has left me wishing that I could share in their faith. There are, however, a few small issues to overcome. Such as my non-belief in Jesus as the son of God…
With my illness, it often feels as though, if there is a God, he has it in for me. He is doing as much as he can to make things miserable for me, within my situation. And I envy every single person on this earth who has a strong faith in God. Whichever God that may be. They all have certainty, and someone who is always there. Someone to talk to, and a knowledge that they are loved.
I‘m not quite sure what my point is here. There may not even be one. Just to sort my thoughts into some kind of order I guess. For those of you with a faith, I envy you. For those of you who are happy without, I envy you too. For anyone else in my position, I’ll be praying for you.
Well, that‘s it until next time I feel the need to write some complete drivel!
P.S. Thanks for all the feed back I’m getting about my column. It‘s great to know that people are reading my ramblings. A few people have said that they think I’m brave for baring so much of my personality and life in this way. I‘m just fed up of being ashamed of me. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone.