Life long depression?
So, what‘s going on with me? Why have I taken a nose dive? The simple answer is “I don’t know”, and neither do any of the experts I see at The Priory. Don‘t get me wrong; they’re probably the best in their field, but mental health is such a hazy profession. No one really understands how antidepressants work, and why each particuar drug only works for approx. 70% of the population.
So what‘s the deal with me? Well, my mood has plumetted, I’ve stopped being able to sleep properly, no appetite, absolutely no concentration… Classic depression symptoms, but completely different to the symptoms I had last time round (comfort eating, being able to read for hours on end, and the ability to sleep for 18 hours solid)
One possibility which I‘m not overly keen on, is that what I have is a particuar form of Bipolar depression (Manic depression) in which the lows can start up to 10 years before the highs. If that’s the case, then this is only the beginning, and things will get a lot worse. Luckily, that‘s not overly likely.
Another possibilty, one that I like much much more, is that I have just normal clinical depression, and I am having 3 or 4 bouts in close succession, and than I will be free of it for the rest of my life.
The third possibilty, is that there is a chemical imbalance in my brain, which means that I will always have to be medicated (or depressed) for the rest of my life.
So, what happens now then? Well, a couple of weeks ago, my Consultant upped my dose to 40mg of prozac daily (a double dose), and on Wednesday, I went up to 60mg a day. If I’m not feeling any better by Monday, I‘m going to wean off the prozac, and onto a Tricyclic antidepressant called Imipramine. The Tricyclics are an older group of antidepressants, and it is not possible to start them at the full theraputic dose. This means that you have to slowly increase the dose, until it is effective.
And the future? Who knows? I may have to be on antidepressants all my life, quite possibly swapping them every 4 or 5 months, if I become resistant to them. Or maybe I’ll need something like Lithium (a mood stabiliser). No body knows yet, but I’ll be sure to keep you posted.
Stay safe everyone, I care for you all.
October 3rd, 2005 at 7:12 pm
Well, I am now on drug number 5 – a brand new one – Duloxetine – let’s see if this works! Still not sure whether I am Bi-Polar or clinically depressed. When I went onto Mirtazapine, I went sky high for 4 weeks after one tablet and then crashed just as quickly.