More Me stuff
Sorry I haven‘t been writing much in here recently – I haven’t really felt up to it.
Basically, I thought I was really getting better; that I was free of the depression; that I could start to live my life again. But some time last week, I started to go downhill again, for no obvious reason. I‘ve been put on 40mg prozac a day, instead of my ususal 20, but it hasn’t helped as yet. I‘m certainly not as low as I have ever been. (For those of you who understand what a BDI is, I’m at about 20, and my worst has been 43).
The dispair, and anger I feel about having got worse again, is actually what is probably causing my continued fall back into depression. It took a huge effort to keep hope alive during the worst times I had (and I have a lot to thank my close friends for in that respect), but it seems even harder now, when the hopes that I did have, have now been crushed.
And to top it all off, my health insurance will stop covering me a the end of August, because they only provide one year‘s cover for a particular condition.
So yeah, not great really. But so far I have managed to stop myself SI’ing, which I am viewing as an achievement, because I have no guarantees that it would actually make me feel better, since it had stopped working by about February.
So, there you go. If you understood a word of that, have a gold star.